I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize