watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
