what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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