speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize