Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
