Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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