She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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