Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
