I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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