He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
