As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
