We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize