She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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