I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
