That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize