He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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