kristin has been a bad kristin
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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