it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
