It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
