i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
