I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
