Having a random hookup so left but love u
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
