So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
