why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
