barbara walters just said penis...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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