Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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