And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
