the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
