wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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