Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
