i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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