Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
