I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize