I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
