He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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