oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
