Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
