I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
