you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
