Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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