Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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