All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
