Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
