If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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