More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
