Life is so much better after having sex.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
