Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize