I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
