somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
