i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
