I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
