our cab driver is having phone sex.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
