I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
