Banned from zoo.
Again?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
