Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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