It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
wow bdsm is so cute
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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