Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
