how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
