You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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