Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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