She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
