I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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