apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
