Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
