i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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