Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
