If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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