youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
