O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
