I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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